The end or the beginning?

 My name is Jamie, I am no one of any significance, just a guy trying to get out of the confines of my own mind. 

I am sitting here, in one of the most beautiful places in Scotland, surrounded by mountains on the side of a Loch,  not many people about, just the calm of the water and the majesty of the mountains.

I have just spent the morning snowboarding in Glencoe and I can’t stress enough how fantastic that was and how incredible this situation is.

So you might be wondering why I am sitting at the precipice of my world. I have been thinking about my death for a while now and am comfortable with it, I don’t want to sound defeatist but I do think the world would be better off without me in it. I have come to terms with my mortality, and feel that my life no longer has any value other than my own enjoyment of my surroundings, so apart from selfish undertaking, it is worthless.

I am also wondering how I got here, and so, rather than getting to the end quickly, I have decided to write about it to better understand this point I have arrived at, and you never know, maybe this will be the therapy I don’t want to have.

I think I have been playing with my mortality for a while, it isn’t because I didn’t love life (I don’t like it much at the moment) but more to push boundaries of possibility. This point I am at now is very different to that, this is about going way beyond that to the point I will never hear about the outcome.